comments and discussion encouraged

Tuesday, August 23, 2022

Stages of becoming a Jedi Master Fishing Guide

The Stages of a Master Jedi Guide      

Like the Jedi Order, there is a hierarchy in the guide realm that all guides must travel through until they reach their individual, ultimate goal of what it is to be a true master.  Some never make it, which is ok, and quite understandable because very few ever reach a Grand Master level, mainly because humans don’t live as long as Yoda.  But you don’t need to be Yoda to be an effective, bad ass Jedi and work your craft at a high level.  If you haven’t watched Star Wars, or you are a sensitive young Gen Zish guide, then maybe you should just stop reading now, as the intention of humor in this piece will be lost on you. 

Most season anglers have all heard of what the progressive stages of a becoming a master angler are.  When one starts flyfishing, at first you just want to catch fish. Then they want to catch a lot of fish, then a really big fish, then on more specific techniques and so on and so forth.

Being a huge Star Wars fan, I thought it would be fun to ponder these different stages of the evolution of a Padawan guide on his journey to becoming a Jedi Master Guide like Yoda.

We could simply look at these certain stages in terms of years guiding throughout our guide lifetimes, but it’s not that simple.  Like in angling, it’s important to understand the metrics. 


Angler 1: fishes 5 days a year for 10 years= 50 days of fishing…he’s no Jedi, but has enough fishing under his belt to be mega chompy like Cookie Monster Jedi here.  Nothing wrong with that, just don’t attempt to claim you are a Jedi.

Angler 2: Fishes 200 days a year for 10 years=2000 days of actual fishing, now this angler is on the path becoming a real Jedi


                                                         Mega difference!

So keep that in mind when some kook gives you his card at the boat ramp who claims that he’s been guiding for X many years…  He’s no Jedi, he is whatever this dumb thing is…

Year 1: Youngling.  

 “RMF” or “rookie mutherfucker”.  With zero to under 100 guide days under your belt, some seasoned clients actually know more than you.  And that’s ok, because your budding enthusiasm is great for beginners and group trips with dudes who don’t fish much.

Annoyances: old guys telling him how long they’ve been fishing for compared to you, even when they suck at fishing.

Relationship status: girlfriend who thinks it’s a cool gig and mistakenly thinks you will make good money and won’t be gone much.  You are considering or already have a fishing dog. 

Fishing skills: solid nympher, maybe enjoys dry fly fishing on his own, but just needs clients to get ‘em the easiest way possible.   Easily drawn to the dark side, which seduces you with numbers and instagram photos of big fish hoisted 6 feet above the water before dropped into the boat by unskilled client.

Year 2: Reluctant Padawan

Overview: Overflowing enthusiasm and confidence after a whole guide season of experience.  If over confident, or just plain arrogant, the dark side gets dangerously tempting.  A good way to avoid the dark side is to be thrown to the wolves into a tough lodge or outfitter gig…as a RMF again.

Annoyances: getting heckled by every other guide on the river or in the guide house that isn’t a first year RMF.  

Relationship status: significant other and dog are both starting to resent you for being away often, unless you bring the dog on your gigs with you of course, which is a great idea. 

Fishing skills: learned to double haul primarily for streamer fishing, but still likes racking up the numbers with clients nymphing to help build confidence.  Lost time and interest in dry fly fishing because it’s way easier to get nubie clients into fish by nymphing.  

Year 3: Reluctant Padawan who thinks he’s a Jedi

Overview: Has defined skills and experience, but potential for dark side leanings into the common “Super guide” complex.  If only program is water loading and side drifting bobber rigs, you may already be lost to the dark side.  In which case just switch to gear fishing…it looks way less stupid and you will catch plenty of fish if you don't care how you do it.  Also enjoys racing everyone down the river and having clients only look at their bobber or turn around to check and see if anyone is catching up to them.

Annoyances: Younger guides jumping them in the guide rotation for some reason; anyone putting a boat in before them.  

Relationship status: possibly engaged, or recently single due to massive ego.

Angling skills: stack mending expert, does it even when unnecessary, as loud as possible.  Hates dry fly fishing because it isn’t as easy to teach as the old water load and stare at your bobber program.  Or, is teaching the art of fly casting and angling, on the path to becoming a Jedi instead of just another bobber hucker, similar to a dime a dozen bitch ass storm trooper working for the Dark Side.

Year 4-7:  Accepting Padawan 

Overview: finally has experience to back up his ego and understands that they need to respect the older Jedi that have come before them.  Seeks out more challenging venues for both themselves and keen repeat clientele.  If already turned to the dark side, try to avoid these numbers kooks on the river, because they are already lost.

Relationship status: Single after significant other finally kicked them to the curb, or current one is wondering if this “guide thing” you’re doing is just a phase until you get a “real job”.  Very, very happy dog.

Angling skills: finally truly understands how to overhead cast, and becoming interested in actually teaching it, which makes them much better at it.  Imagine that concept!

Year 7-10 Obi Wan Kenobi: Ewan McGregor 

Overview: bad ass guide stage, has earned respect from the people who matter from well over 1000 days of guiding.  

Relationship status: married either to the right person or resentful one who will bail before you make it to the next stage.  Dog is still happy as long as he spends time on the water with the guide and if you didn't lose him in the divorce.

Angling skill: highly skilled and well rounded caster, and enjoys teaching it because it is such a critical aspect of a Jedi’s craft.  A highly skilled angler in multiple techniques and enjoys implementing them into a more diverse guide program.  Those who went to the dark side in earlier stages might have some hope of coming back to the light after realizing being a chompy numbers kook fly fishing guide isn’t that much fun.  Or they thankfully just quit guiding and do a job that better suits their chompy ass personality. 

Year 10-15: Guide Assassin Boba Fett 

Overview: Pro guide, assassin stage.  After 2000 plus guide days, you finally accept the reality that this is your career and you have to accept your destiny.  Or understandably quit and get a real job.  Some will even quit but then go back to guiding again, because it’s way cooler to be an assassin Jedi than work a job that makes much more fiscal sense.

Annoyances: part-time guides who make a bunch of money in some other job and act like a Jedi Master fishing guide.  But as Luke Skywalker knew all too well, you can’t simultaneously be a dirt farmer and Jedi Master…you must choose only one.  Doesn’t mean dirt farmers can't be awesome guides, but again…consider the metrics.

Relationship status: Single, or if miraculously still married, you hope your wife has a good gig with a steady paycheck and benefits.  Old or newest dog has had epic guide dog life and no complaints.

Fishing skills: assassin with a fly rod with any technique, pushing elite with personal favorite.  Seeking out challenging venues to further master the craft.

Year 16-20 Jedi Knight: Qui-Gon Jinn


Overview: Captain of varsity guide team.  With well over 3500 guide days, you get more choosy with your venues, clients, techniques, and the amount of days you can guide on a particular venue.  Mega crowded beats or easier rivers that may have more opportunities become way less appealing.  So best to avoid booze cruise group trips on a crowded ass river with shit regulations full of chompy people and hatchery fish. 

Annoyances: A handful of a new generation of young punk guides who didn’t pay for their truck, boat, or house and believe the Jedi Order is of little use (except for following them everywhere).  The Jedi find their lack of faith…disturbing.

Angling Skill: Continuously seeking out more challenging water and angling situations.  

Relationship status: Perhaps a second or even third wife/husband, which is a keeper, and the ever present guide dog.  Or, single and living in a Van down by the river like Chris Farley!

Year 21-25 Jedi Master Kenobi

Overview: Elite guide stage, and it’s too late to do something else, so fuck it and just keep on fishin.  Old school clients are good friends and some even pushing Jedi by now.  Almost impossible to work for other people now anyway.

Annoyances: Fisheries Management Agencies, overpopulation, climate change, and the quite disturbing over use of plastics both on and off the water.  

Relationship status: whoever is with a guide that has been doing it for this long must be the right person and therefore, quite awesome.  Whatever dog you have is obviously stoked on their amount of time they’ve had on the water.

Angling skills: elite in every aspect of the discipline.  Enjoys watching good angling more than doing it, but sometimes that’s the only way to watch good angling.  

Year 26-30: Jedi Master of the Order Windu

Overview: Bad ass defender of the resource with a profound sense of gratitude for the extraordinary amount of time spent on the water. 

Angling Skill: Master of every discipline.  Personal fishing becomes secondary to protection of the resource, conservation efforts, and wanting other anglers to experience extraordinary moments

Relationship status: toss up.  Single master guides this age with a well behaved dog are a hot commodity for some, revolting to others. 

Year 30 and beyond: Grand Master Yoda 

Overview: Few guides ever attain this stage.  After finding enlightenment after so many days on the water, the Master now guides his favorite clients as much for pleasure as he does out of financial necessity, and to simply just be on the water.  

Relationship status: Either with the perfect person and dog, or single with the perfect dog and totally content anyway, due to living a life on the water and not having to ever have to work for the Dark Side.

Angling skills have transcended comprehension by all but other Grand Masters.  Then finally..

 “Soon will I rest, yes, forever sleep. Earned it I have. Twilight is upon me, soon night must fall.” – Yoda

No comments:

Post a Comment