What is a bead kook?
In the Urban Dictionary, a kook is defined as one who pretends to be someone who they are not and/or someone who tries to fit in, but with exaggeration. Kind of like a poser. There is really nothing wrong with that, unless the kook starts to interfere with someone else's fun. For example...
This is a kook surfing...
This is a ski kook...
An important thing to point out is that if you are new to skiing, surfing, or fly fishing, just because you are a beginner doesn't mean you are a kook. Everyone was new to these undertakings at some point, and we have all done kooky things along the way. Beginners need to just have some proper guidance, so they learn what waves, runs, or rivers that they should fish based on their skill levels are, and understanding of local etiquette and cultural history of the venue. And most importantly, respect the folks who came there before you.
When speaking specifically about steelhead fly fishing, bead kooks have slowly taken over. Numbers obsessed guides have popped up all over Pacific Northwest rivers, lobbing their kooky ass bead rigs on their 20 mile floats, grinding pencil leaded bare hooks through every inch of steelhead holding water. Nothing wrong with side drifting bobber rigs, but I take offense to a rig that has absolutely no fly in the equation whatsoever. Seriously, zero flies on the fly rig at all, just various plastics, lots of lead, and bare hooks getting lobbed from one side of the boat to the other, then dead drifting through every inch of water until you hook a fish somewhere, often outside the mouth. How is this fly fishing? Only a total kook could call it fly fishing.
Here is a diagram below of a bead kook would rig...
WHERE IS THE FLY?
If you are kooking out on a guide day, you might not even know it, you may just be misguided...literally. So, if you are a beginner or novice fly fisherman going out with a guide, you might need to do some homework before you book the trip to avoid this uncomfortable parking lot conversation...
Client: Hi (insert millennial name) so, what flies are we using today?
Guide: We are going to use what works best to hook as many fish as possible today man. We will be pulling color all day!
Client: Cool! So, what flies do you think will be most successful?
Guide: Eggs. The egg grab is on fire.
Client: Egg fly patterns?
Guide: Patterns? Yeah, uhm, sure. So we are actually gonna fish beads. My beads look more like eggs than anything else. I paint them to match the exact color of the real eggs in the river.
Client: Paint them, beads? Like necklace beads at the craft store? Do you tie them on to a hook or something?
Guide: No, but I paint them. Revlon Red number 2 crossed with Bamboo Shoot is crushing it right now.
Client: Ummm, ok. So you paint them, then tie them on the hook and make some sort of a fly out of it?
Guide: No, actually we peg the egg above the hook with heavy mono or toothpicks. They eat the bead, then the hook below it hooks the fish.
Client: So, it's not a tied fly? what's on the hook?
Guide: Nothing, well a snelled knot is on there.
Client: So, where's the fly?
Guide: Fly? The bead is the...wait, no, the hook is, wait. Whatever, who cares? We're gonna crush em, but we gotta get going...
Client: I'm confused, I thought you were a fly fishing guide? I thought we were fly fishing today?
Guide: (sighs, annoyed) Dude we are fly fishing today. (points) Just look at the big sign on my truck and Clack that says (insert millennial name's) fly fishing guide service. I'm a fly fishing guide.
Client: But we aren't using flys, at all...correct?
Guide: Whatever, again, who cares? I'm gonna, I mean, we're gonna get em. C'mon, we gotta jam dude. Don't worry about all these little details. We gotta beat everyone to the boat ramp and make it to the Sanctuary Pool first. It's right below a creek, and the fish are hella stacked in there just chilling. The spey fags yell at me for fishing there, just because they are jealous of all the chrome I've been slaying in there the last 11 days in a row. Its' a super long, really slow drift, but ultra exciting when it's bobber down time bro. Then we will just motor back up the run and hit it 15, 20 more times and then just motor back up to the put in and take out.
Client: Wait, I'm confused again. I thought I booked an experience where I was going to be on a drift boat trip fly fishing. But you're telling me that we aren't going to be using flies at all, and we are putting in and taking out at the same place, and not drifting to a takeout?
Guide: (defensive) Well yeah, it's the best program on the river man. Or I guess we can just burn out a 20 mile float, but we should have already left if we were going to do that because I can't stand being behind anyone.
I'm not making this shit up. Similar conversations are happening every day on steelhead rivers throughout the PNW. Bead kooks masquerading as fly fishing guides have overrun our boat ramps with their kooky ass bobbers, beads, and bare hooks. What can be done about these total KOOKS?
What do you think?
